Cardinal Rules of Life

Laiba Muhammad Aamir

Being born into this world is not something we have chosen ourselves. The body given to our lingering soul was completely out of our control. We were thrown into this world without our will and wish. We could be born as an insect, bird, animal or flower. Martin Heidegger, a German philosopher, says that being thrown into this world is like existing in conditions beyond our control. We are thrown into existence with full of those circumstances which we cannot determine but they affect the way we live and experience. On the other side, Jean-Paul Sartre, a French writer and existentialist philosopher, says, “Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.” He asserts that the circumstances of our birth and upbringing are uncontrollable, but once we develop the ability of self-consciousness, we must make choices even by taking risks, and those choices actually define our very essence. Here, the key to success is “self-awareness.” People come into this world and make plans for a brighter future, but hang in between what to choose and what not. Most of the times, we procrastinate because we lack courage to take a step forward and make it happen. Time is passing quickly and we are getting older. It will hurt when we will think of the things we wanted to do but couldn’t, anyway. Life is full of opportunities and favours. The way to avail them is to work according to certain rules which are cardinal in their status.

1. Embrace your past

Scratches from the past bring so many memories back, making us both to kiss hands of our old self or slap tightly on its face and ask, “Were you even real?” In case of the latter, there are always some situations in almost everyone’s past that they are not proud of. They want to shut that door for good like the past had never happened. They keep their past as a dark secret in the closet of heart and avoid reflecting on it. In doing all this, they become the victim of controlling past times. They never make peace with their old self which is the actual producer of their new version. This strength, wisdom, courage and changing perspectives at present are nothing but the result of our past. The edifice of our present stands on the pillars of our past, but then why not embrace this pillar and be thankful to it? For some people, their past appears like a nightmare which disturbs their present as well. Do not be ashamed of your past and all those mistakes and failures. Give it the credit for your success because it has given you life-time lessons that no book and no person could have taught you. Also, a lesson learnt from a failure lasts longer than the one learned from victory. Past is what defines us and our ways of life. It makes us realize what is important to, and for, us. It teaches us that no matter how hard were the days back then, time heals everything. It shows us what to keep and what to let go. Consider it a fact that past is the best teacher. Make peace with it!

2. Self-love is not selfish

Unfortunately, since day one, we are taught how to keep others happy, even if that happens at the cost of our needs and desires. Pushing ourselves to a peripheral position and letting others take the centre of our life is even considered a social virtue. We are expected to love others more than our own poor self. This stereotype needs to be broken because it is becoming the reason of many evils such as depression and anxiety. Accept it or not, self-love needs to be made the part of education at the very basic level. Others matter, but you matter first. Self-love is not selfish, but it makes one realize how to live with others by not sacrificing one’s own basic needs. Self-love motivates one to achieve one’s targets without even feeling the need to take help from the outside sources. It is usually thought that self-love is actually being obsessed with one’s self. No, rather, self-love is the way to respect one’s self and become aware of the fact that others deserve the same. A person who loves himself can never think of doing harm to others because he knows what is right and what is wrong. People look for inspiration in the outside world, but they fail to understand that everything is inside our soul. Once you fell in love with yourself, you will never feel alone in a dark room, and also not lost in the crowd. People who love and believe in themselves never fall for false hope and support because their own inner strength is enough for them. Treat yourself kindly so you won’t expect from others. How can someone give you something which you cannot give to your own self?

3. Identify and exclude toxic people

There are always some people who have a problem with every solution. They are those who make us feel unwanted. They make us feel low because they know that negative words affect mind more quickly than positive ones. They are expert in judging even our minor acts and when they feel that they cannot change us, they start changing the perspectives of other people about us. They make a scale for us to measure our goodness and badness. They never appreciate our achievements; instead, they remind us of our past failures and that too, sometimes, in front of others, to make us feel embarrassed. Their favourite hobby is to make chaos around our lives. They cannot see us go beyond those limits which they themselves are not capable to cross. They are those who follow in our footsteps, but are afraid to accept it. What we can do in such situation is to just stay away from them because hoping to change these toxic people is fruitless as they do not see any issue in their actions. Therefore, make your inner voice louder than their useless gossips. However, there are certain people who we cannot completely cut off from our life such as members of our family, friends or colleagues. In such a case, we must immediately feel the negative vibes coming from them, and draw boundaries as soon as possible. Giving opportunities to toxic people again and again is doing harm to oneself. You need to accept that spending time with toxic people is like letting their toxins enter your body to make it as wasteful as theirs.

In conclusion, live your life as a gift, and not as a burden of expectations from others. Live every moment as if it were the last moment of your life. Live it to the fullest. Once you lose yourself, you never find again what you were once, but what you have become after what you have experienced. Past moments were a gift from the universe to teach you so many incredible things. Irrespective of what you have been put into, you have gone through it, and now you are no more a victim but a survivor. Fall in love with yourself because you deserve it more than anything. Time will come when people will remind you of what you were. They will never want you to grow. They will dig deep pits for you to fall but do not argue with them. Let them do what they love to do. You are born to surpass them. So, identify the right path and go on it even if you are all alone and the path is thorny. Being born into this world was not our choice, but once born, it is now our responsibility to live it as a life, and not as a burden or guilt.