Emotional Dependency

Phrases like ‘I cannot live without you’, yearning and craving for an eye contact of a particular person, seems so sweet? Doesn’t it?

If this continues for quite some time then believe that you, or whosoever you observed, is in the midst of emotional dependence quandary. From where it becomes evident that it will only lead to uncontrollable destruction. At least studies have proved it; and it happens almost always that both parties, knowing about situation, though steps away from one another, get closer.

What is emotional dependency? It’s a psychological state where a person is dominated by other person’s life emotionally. Due to emotion’s softer feel, this domination hardly gets evident rather it provides a great deal of joy but at the cost of the freedom of dependent person.

Emotional dependency does not necessarily mean the romantic relationship; it may exist between teacher and student, psychiatrist and patient, parent and child, husband and wife, siblings and friends of same or opposite gender.

The person in this state is not different from a drug addict who has all possible excuses, manipulation and rationale to take drugs. Knowing that it will kill; the addict desires to dilute his life in drugs. Likewise, once becoming emotionally dependent on other, a person desires to dilute life in emotional dependency and avoids freedom. There may not be a yardstick to measure emotional dependency; but an educated guess will elaborate the situation.

Symptoms

Jealousy/Rest is Threat
Dependent person usually seems over-possessive about his partner; and gets jealous too easily, not only from humans, but activities, hobbies or other things that keep the partner busy. He feels it dangerous to his feelings. To overcome this threat; the dependent person tries to capture the whole time of his partner. There is no charm for him in socialisation; the special one is the only focal point of his attention. And when asked about the relationship; he soon gets too defensive.

Finishing Everything

Willingness to confront God’s Will, nature, law of society, moral values or any other hurdle that may threaten him the separation from partner or in any case of possible threat of withdrawal, serious consideration to commit suicide, eliminate the source of problem and even of killing the partner may appear.

Thinking of the partner all the time

This attitude is quite obvious through the obsession and routine fantasies of partner’s presence, fragrance or what conversation shall take place next time. In few intense cases, lifelike presence of partner may also be experienced.

Over-presentation

Emotions of all relations get to converge at some point; haze of relations is felt, mixed feelings like intimacy, respect, relaxation, achievement, joy, fear and many others are experienced, excessive affection is presented; that may seem beyond social norms of given relation (i.e. parent/child, friends or any).

And continuous physical and verbal affection is assured (i.e. lots of hugs, back or shoulder rubs), thanking too much, excessive praise you are only one who understands.

Emotionally dependant partners understand each other to extent; where it makes rest of family/friends un-comfortable. Without that person; no plans, either long-term or short-term, travelling for business or re-creation, could be finalised. That person’s worries, wishes, problems, interests and personality keeps the dependant absorbed. His greatest desire is only to spend time in the company of that particular person in isolation; failure to which causes great deal of frustration, resentment and aggression.

Threats to break relationship, making other person feel insecure and attempts to suicide are some other traits that clearly signal about the emotional dependency.

Roots

This enticing but harmful state comes up like the slow poisoning. But, the question arises; from where? How and when? The studies show that it occurs when during an emotional state, when a person needs support, someone provides him:
a.    Attention
b.    Listening
c.    Admiration
d.    Praise
e.    Time to spend together
It is very likely that in such sensitive state, a person will get dependant over the other. As a matter of fact, once humans begin to feel that they can attain more social comfort with minimal effort; they direct all their efforts toward one person. And with every passing moment, get addicted to the comfort he receives.

Only a few people are sensitive or rigid by nature while some face difficulty in sharing their inner feelings with everyone. They may seem to be much gregarious; yet they have sorrows buried in heart. Such people often wish to find one comfort zone where they can forget all their worries. In simple words; when social or emotional demands of one person get perfectly entertained by another, emotional dependence takes place.

Apparently, it is very sweet and touching relation; then what kind of problems we may have? And why we are trying to pitch emotional dependence as a negative phenomenon?

First problem is that humans wish to fulfil all social needs, which is like putting all the eggs in one basket. Once dependence overwhelms a person, the slightest of negative feedback will result in high level of grief and resentment. Emotionally-dependent people begin to become esoteric and misanthropists and they start to socially isolate themselves, eventually reducing their networking capabilities. And in turn, they not only become slave to their wishes’ they become low-productive resource for society.

Most of all, loss of friends grieves everyone but emotionally-dependent person gets panic and depression attacks along with uncontrollable anger toward society or sometimes even God. The separation may ruin his life. Life is precious; it is a gift of nature that shall not be wasted.

Emotional dependency can be avoided by keeping healthy sized social network; communicating with many. Resisting, extreme reliance over one person, nowadays, is easy to get rid of by keeping different hobbies such as computer games, sports and gardening. Extra activities serve as additional source of happiness. Some relations are highly probable to have emotional dependency. Moreover, societies often consider it acceptable to have emotional dependency in such relations. For example,